Mum – Four Years On

It’s been four years today since my Mum left me to be with her maker.

Though four years is a long time for many, to me it is it was only yesterday that I bid farewell as I watched my mum go into external sleep at the CCU in General Hospital Kuala Lumpur.

It was 10.04pm on July 7 that Mum passed away and frankly my entire life changed after that.

Though cheerful on the outside, still sharp and witty with my remarks and my writing, frankly I am nothing but an empty shell.

After numerous health ailments since 2014, from toe amputation, end stage kidney failure to blindness , I have tried and fourth to stay afloat, stay strong, stay focussed or in simple words – stay alive.

I need to, have to, want to for one simple reason – I promised my Mum that I will care for Dad and at 85, he is fitter then me.

Mum was a wonderful lady, one that kept the family together, a stern but loving character that earned the respect of many, even till today all I hear from others is what a remarkable lady she was.

My inspiration, my pillar of strength and importantly my Best Friend in life as Mum sacrificed so much to endure her children had what it needed to grow up and be successful in life.

Today I mourn my Mum all alone, with my Dad, making it a point to be in Tampin on every July 7, to remember Mum the best way I can.

The scars in the heart will never heal, the pain will never go away but the sweetness of her smile still lingers in my mind.

Walking around the house she cares for more the 50 years of her life, one can still sense the warmth and love she showered upon her kids, relatives and friends.

To me even Margaret Tatcher who was called the Iron Lady could not hold a candle to Mum who despite life’s many challenges never once gave up her faith in God.

Her devotion to the Gurudwara was something that I admire till today, unselfish when it came towards doing service for the community,

Mum. If you are watching upon us from your heavenly abode, always remember that me and Dad think of you daily and never once does Dad forget you in his daily prayers.

Your service kitchen to Sikh Travellers, that was started by Grandfather in 1952 still continues its tradition and your Favourite dish ” saag” ( spinach) is ever present in the freezer.

It’s been a stormy four years for me, but Mum it is you that kept me going, with you keeping a close watch upon us from far away.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I pen this posting, recalling how I whispered into your ears one last time that it was okay for you to go.

Hope you are at peace wherever you are Mum and my love for you will never fade, no matter how tough life becomes for me.

For you taught me one important ingredient in life – live within your means and never expect anything from others, not even family.

Till we meet one day Mum, keep looking over us and give me strength to carry on.

For I leave with the strains of Eric Clapton whispering in the background

” Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven ”