What threats, abuse, coercion mean to this soul.

During the course of my writing, right from 1998, I have been threatened, sued, cajoled, bribed and even abused.

But I remain steadfast in my principles, which is writing truths, no matter how many enemies it makes me.

There have been numerous accusations that I am a hired gun, that if I am not paid then I will write nasty things.

If that is true, then how come till today I own nothing, bank balances almost zero and struggle to make ends meet in paying for my dialysis.

I have over the past 5 years struggled so much to make ends meet after some unscrupulous individuals took away my only source of income.

I live on a medical pension of RM1,795 which hardly covers my medicine that amounts to RM1,680 monthly.

Hence looking at the situation, I opted to cut cost and move back to Tampin, saving on rent as well as the high cost of living in the city.

So does this reflect the life of a “ hired” writer?

I live with only one vision, one dream, one hope – that we clean our sports scenario.

This morning I received two unexpected calls, from those who hold top positions in sports bodies.

Both sought my assistance, to help secure something for their sports, in terms of a venue.

I set no conditions, unlike done who demand for work on media matters. My response was simple , I will help you so as long as you remain steadfast in trying to promote and develop your sport.

Yesterday I took a trip to Melaka to meet Dato Abu Samah, the President of MNCF.

I was duty bound to go visit “ uncle” as he is one of the few people in Melaka that I have utmost respect for. I know uncle from 1988 and frankly he had remained the same.

We had a lengthy chat and I offered him some advice , that in this age and time, we will have more enemies then true friends.

The world has changed, our sports scene so rotten that it’s all about power and abuse in f the power,

Rules, regulations, constitutions are merely pieces of paper that the present day leaders have scant respect for.

The most common excuse is times have changed. It was different those days. It was way back then, It was easier those days.

But frankly it is the same, today or 40 years ago when I first stepped into sports, be it playing, coaching and administration.

The only thing that has changed is the values of individuals.

And those who have no love or passion for the sport are today running and ruining sports.

It does not help matters that we have a Sports Minister whose only interest is “ youth power” and his cats.

Sports today is being run solely by the NSC Director General as Sadiq has no inkling on sports.

Sadiq could easily put things right by getting advise from a Sports Advisory Panel, but he probably was ill advised.

So Minister, if there is a cabinet reshuffle, I do hope that you get moved out, for we surely need a change.

Back to the main topic of threats, coercion, abuse and legal action, frankly I am immune to it as I am to getting poked with needs on my alternate day dialysis.

I see death pass my my eyes every day, as I pray that I do not get up from sleep.

Yes I had my EPF savings, from my 34 years of working, but some 14 operations over 26 months has dug deep into it, costing me close to RM340,000.

So try living on RM1,795 a month. It’s possible as one has to struggle.

I cannot remember when was the last time I actually went shopping for myself, the last time I went for a holiday, the last time I bought shoes, the last time I went for a massage or a movie.

I walk with a walking stick, legally declared blind by doctors, rely on medication to keep me alive.

Yet people fear me, they cringe when I write.

But so as long as you have been above board and honest, you have nothing to fear. Nothing to be scared off. Nothing to fret about.

I only highlight the wrongs in sports, never personal, it’s all about the sport.

And if any article bites through your bones, walk up to a mirror and ask the image that you see what wrong has it done.

I have always been open to frank discussions, honest conversations and clarity on issues that I may have been misinformed.

So to those who feel slighted, hurt, insulted, my two cents advice, pick up the phone, meet up for a drink but on my given date, time and venue.

It is after all very physically demanding to travel on public transport after dialysis from Tampin to KL.

But if you insist of trying to shit me up with threats, cyber troopers or legal suits, I welcome you.

See what you can earn from a person who has two visually impaired eyes, two weakened legs, two dis functional kidneys and a Low blood level plus haemoglobin.

Maybe I might thank you as I will get free dialysis in prison for I will just go and plead guilty.

Then we let the public judge between right and wrong.

God bless those who are helping me in this difficult times. You know who you are.

And to that Hockey coach that owes me RM6,000, I hope one day karma will haunt you as you are in my daily prayers, for the wrong reasons.